100 words challenge – you bought her what

My first post in this blog is in response to the “100 Word Challenge for Grownups” week 28, found here at Julia’s place:

100-word-challenge-for-grown-ups-week-28/

you bought her what

The challenge is to take a prompt, and use it creatively within 100 words. The 100 words are in addition to the prompt, so if the prompt is 4 words, one can write up to 104 words for the challenge.  The prompt for this one: …you bought her what…  My entry is 104 words total, and believe me, it wasn’t easy to get it down to that. This is the kind of challenge I love!

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…you bought her what…

“You  bought   her   what?”  The words shot out like bullets, each one precisely aimed and hitting the target.

John hated it when Lynn spoke in bullets.  It smashed his joy.

“It’s her sixteenth birthday. It’s special.  I bought her a car.”

“Take it back.” More bullets.

“Give me one good reason.”

The bullets bled down into pleading  pain. “You know why”

“Lynn,” John gathered her into his arms. He felt the tension leave her body as tears wet his shoulder. “That was years ago. No seatbelts or airbags. This isn’t the same.”

Wetness grew. Barely a whisper now, “Please, take it back.”

He did.

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104 words 🙂 Thanks for reading,

Judee

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24 responses

  1. I love the creativity in describing words as “like bullets.” It gives me a vivid feel for what’s going on. I loved reading this1

    1. Funny, I don’t know where that came from it just popped into my mind, one of those lucky ideas, I guess. Thank you for stopping by and commenting.

  2. Super writing..two stories intwined in 100 words. Great stuff!

    1. Thank you for the lovely comment anna. 🙂

  3. Thank you so much Julia, I really enjoyed jumping in, and look forward to future challenges. Don’t know if I’ll manage each week, but I’ll try. It’s a wonderful way to exercise the creative side of writing and such a challenge to keep it short.

  4. This is so sad and has so much in it. I was so impressed with the bullets – what a brilliant way to describe those exchanges when you want the words to hurt. Then the ending – oh gosh – fabulous! Thank you SOoo much for joining our weekly foray into penmanship!

  5. Ah! The magic word “Please”. I like the way you divided your blogs according to subject and enjoyed your article on this one.

    1. Thank you, and I’m glad it wasn’t too confusing with all the blogs. I just work better that way. 🙂

      1. You are smart in separating your blogs. I should do the same. Supposedly, I am trying to promote my first published book on my blog . . . yeah right! I keep getting side tracked. Such is life. Oh well, I have to admit, I am enjoying myself along the way.

  6. I’m glad you felt the tension, thanks so much for the comment.

  7. What a lot of emotion you have packed into this.mhow will the tension be diffused between these two players.

  8. Very powerful and moving piece. Well done.

    1. I’m glad you liked it, thanks for dropping by.

  9. I left a comment the other day, but some blogs just swallow comments up – NO idea where they spit them out! I liked this very much – it was very powerful and very sad. And I’m glad the car was vetoed – 16 is too young to be footloose and free in a car, even without the history in this case!

    1. Lorely, I’m sorry your comment got lost, I just found both of htem in the spam filter – which I didn’t even realize existed until today. Thank you so much for commenting, I appreciate it.

  10. Each word packs a punch. Speaking in bullets – great effect. Wonderful writing!

    1. Thank you so much!

  11. This was amazing – a story AND a back story all in 100 words. Well done!

    1. Thank you Sally-Jayne. It started out around 140 words, the whittling down was a fun exercise.

  12. Really liked this, I like how you start off thinking she is just being a kill-joy but then you understand completely, very clever.

    1. Thanks for commenting cj, Yes, she had some powerful reasons, I’m glad that came through.

  13. Goodness, that’s a very powerful piece. I’m glad he took it back! I’d have wanted him to do the same, even without the history! 16 is too young to be footloose with your own car!

  14. Wow. I could feel the pain and tension in this story.
    Some gifts can bring back such powerful emotions.
    Thanks for a great read.

    1. Thank you Mike, that’s what I was aiming for, glad it worked!

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