When I was eleven, I found and purchased a small diary, one of those with a clasp to close it, and each page labeled by day and date. I decided to record my daily activities in it. The concept was new to me, and I had no idea what a personal journal was, or how to get the best from it. For a year, I faithfully recorded my activities. Pages upon pages were filled with short lists, saying thing like, “woke up, had breakfast, went to school, had a spelling test, came home, went shopping with my mother, did homework, ate dinner, watched tv, read, went to bed.”
I kid you not. Page after excruciating page. To be fair, there wasn’t a whole lot of room on each page, and thinking back, I believe that small booklet was intended more as an appointment book than a “Dear Diary”. But it was a start. I eventually gave up on it, thinking it was kind of stupid to write out lists of day by day activities, especially without any details. So I shrugged my shoulders and eventually stopped writing in it.
That small journal was lost many years ago – perhaps I threw it away, I don’t remember. But I do remember the lists, the frustration of wanting to do it “the right way” and not knowing how. I had never heard of anyone writing a personal journal, but even then I thought I had to follow some kind of rules – and this arbitrary listing of daily activities just didn’t cut it.
Of course, I now realize that what I was searching for at the time, was some means of expressing myself. I didn’t know it then, but the writer in me had been born, she just didn’t know how to get out and onto a page.
By the time I was 14, I realized that a personal journal was supposed to be exactly that – personal. I began collecting notebooks and writing down my thoughts, and feelings. And while (mostly later in life) there have been huge gaps of time, years even, without writing, I always seem to go back to it. I did eventually give up on the paper format, as I found sites online that hosted personal journal writing, long before Blogs made their appearance.
After another long dry spell, I discovered the world of blogging. It made sense to me to try it out. And I’ve enjoyed it, but even so, I began this blog trying to learn the rules. You pick a topic, you stick to it, you visit other blogs and have them come visit yours. You write to other people, for other people, drawing like minded friends into your circle. Okay, I get it. The biggest problem I have with that is this – I’m tired of following rules. Especially when it comes to writing.
I have discovered that, while there are rules to follow if you want to have a “popular” blog, my main interest in this project is not that of drawing others in to read what I have written, but simply to continue to write.
This is a place where I can just sit back and talk about anything. And everything. Wax philosophical, or throw out an occasional rant if the moment calls for it, talk about everyday things, but also express feelings, both positive and negative. You may or may not find it interesting, you may or may not identify with parts of it, but this is the hub, the me that anchors the spokes of that ever turning wheel that is my life.
And so it is.