Rambling: Still Breathing

Okay, I know it looks like I dropped off the face of the earth.  I haven’t.  Still hanging in there, and besides, gravity won’t let me fall off, so I’m just continuing to do what I do, which these days isn’t a whole lot.

I’m actually thinking of changing the blog/s, doing something new, something to at least just get me in here and working on them. It’s so easy to lose track of time and just drift. Which is pretty much what I’ve been doing. Drifting. Okay, so gravity may keep me from falling up, but it won’t keep me from drifting a bit. Or a lot.

I’ve been really struggling with the breathing issue, and the CPAP machine. I just don’t think we’re a fit, but I’ve been low on energy lately and haven’t had enough fight in me to argue the point with the CPAP doc. It’s his “thing”, he has written papers on it, he tells me I just need to give it a try.

All his talk about “should” being bad and telling me I need to find a motivation for using the machine, well, it didn’t work, because just after that we had a hot spell during the summer, and the mask made me feel like I was going to suffocate, so I didn’t use it, and haven’t touched it since, even though the weather has changed.

So why do I feel like a little kid who didn’t do her homework and now must face the teacher? Sheesh!

I even bought an oxymeter that measures and records oxygen levels over time. I tested it at night without the CPAP and also during the day, being careful not to jostle it. I found out my oxygen during the day is worse than at night, especially when I use the stairs of concentrate on something – because I literally do stop breathing.  My GeneralistDoc wanted to give me some kind of oxygen diffuser for at home, but the sleepDoc nixed that idea and told him to have me go see him first. I know what he’s going to say – use the almighty CPAP.

Gosh I didn’t realize how frustrated I was with all this until I started writing here. I don’t usually get intimidated by doctors or anyone else, so this is unusual for me, and I’m not sure where it’s coming from. Maybe it’s because the doctor in question is so . . . earnest. He really believes in his advice, and offers it with such enthusiasm, it’s hard to argue with him. He’s one of those people with presence who would do well standing at a podium speaking about apnea at a convention. Heck, he probably does all that anyway. So when all that positive energy is focused on me, telling me how good it would be for me to try one more time, it’s hard to resist or stand firm.

On the home sale front things are looking up. We’ve had several visits. One couple made an offer, and upped it twice, but it was too low, even at their best price. They wanted to do renovations that aren’t necessary, and felt we should come down on the price so they could afford what they wanted. Nope. I know what the house is worth, and I’m not budging below a certain point.

We’ve had two visits this week, one was a return visit from a couple that is very enthused, and talking to their bank, so I’m hoping for an offer from them, and the other visit was a couple with two small children, looking for a first home. It was harder to tell what they thought, though they did ask a couple of pertinent questions that seemed to indicate they were considering it. I just have to wait and see.

Meanwhile, what am I doing? Biding time,  installing programs onto my desktop PC, but still using the notebook for emails and such. And still watching a lot of tv. 😉  It passes the time while I wait for my life to settle into a new apartment and new rhythm.

No wonder I haven’t been writing in here. There’s simply not a whole lot to write about. 🙂

Til the next time,
Judee

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8 responses

  1. Good luck with the house, Judee! I know firsthand how awful that U.S. market is (ours was on the market for over 4 years at way below market value, there just weren’t any buyers!) That being said, you’ve had folks viewing it and that is AMAZING! As my realtor always says, “you only need one good one to buy”. Fingers, toes and everything else crossed for a great offer soon 🙂

    1. Lol, I’ve crossed so many fingers and toes that I can’t get them unstuck! 😉 Thanks for the good wishes.

  2. Nice to see you back.

    Sorry to hear about the breathing apparatus. Maybe this particular doc is pushing this contraption because it’s HIS. Might you need a second opinion? Seems like it’s mighty uncomfortable—shouldn’t it be making life more easier or bearable? Just ignore me if you like.

    1. Tess, I would never ignore you, lol! I think you’re right about the contraption being his baby. I’ve officially quit it, and my doctor is now prescribing home oxygen which is what I think I needed all along. All’s well. So nice to see you!

  3. Very poignant and touching. I found the ramblings hugely philosophical in a sense. Thank you.

    Shakti

    1. Ah yes, isn’t that true of most ramblings? 🙂 Thank you for stopping by, Shakti.

  4. Sure hope you get this breathing thing resolved soon! How frustrating!

    1. Thank you Jeannie. I tried it again last night and I just give up. Some people simply aren’t a fit for a CPAP.

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