Feeling Better

Thank you, each of you who commented on my last Rambling post, and thank you to those bloggers out there who helped me feel better just through reading their blogs.

Synchronicity is a funny thing – when you really really need something, it comes to you. I needed to refocus, find my center, and so when I finally had a moment to just go to the WP panel and scan through the Blogs I Read, what a joy it was to find posts that seemed to speak directly to me and how I was feeling, reminding me that each moment is just a passage through life, some good, some bad, but all eventually balancing out.

Of course, getting a couple of good night’s sleep helped too. 😉

This weekend, I’m letting it all go. What does that mean? It means I’m going to simply live in the moment, not worry about apartments or packing or money. I know it will all work out, so I am allowing myself a few days to just trust in what I know.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the rush of thought, worry, plans, decisions. Yes, as we move through life we do have to make decisions, choices, we do have to plan at least to a certain degree. But we also have to learn to trust that even if what we “plan” doesn’t pan out, it simply means that something else, something better, is on the horizon.

Last year, I found an announcement about some apartments being built near here, in a town that is dear to my heart because it’s the first place I lived in Switzerland. The precise location itself wasn’t perfect, it was across from the railway, which meant trains passing, but I liked the plans they showed, and the price was right, because it was to be purchased in advance, with a construction credit. It seemed too good to be true.

It was. The bank turned me down – mainly because of my income, which is disability payment and nothing else. It didn’t matter that once my house would have sold, I’d have enough to pay for 80% of the apartment, thus my loan would have been very low.  They said they couldn’t count on that, as long as my house wasn’t sold. In addition, I’m supposed to get alimony from my ex, but they didn’t count that either, and rightly so, because I haven’t had an alimony payment in over two years due to his financial straits. Of course, they didn’t know that. And at the time my ex had been trying to get funding for a new business, so I thought I’d eventually get the alimony back. But they were right. That was money I couldn’t count on.

I was heartbroken. I drive by the construction site often, and have watched it going up – it will be ready in July. The layout of the apartment would have been just right for me. But perhaps, not the location across from the train. I’d lived near the trains before and I remember the roar of sound as they passed by. this apartment was about the same distance. It has since occurred to me that I really don’t want that kind of noise in my life. Wherever I move it will be someplace quiet.

The funny thing is, when I met the realtor who is handling the sale of my house, we also discussed what I was looking for in an apartment, and we discussed new v/s old, etc. He said a lot of the newer apartments going up are in less than ideal locations, simply because there is no place left to put them. (Switzerland is very small) And all of a sudden he mentioned the exact apartments I wanted to buy into, as an example of what I wouldn’t want. He said, “I can’t imagine you would want something like that, so close to the trains, would you?” And I smiled inwardly as i said, “No, of course not.”

Because it’s true. I don’t want to live in a noise polluted area. And I don’t think I fully realized it until he mentioned those exact apartments. Why those? I think it was a reminder to me that even our disappointments can sometimes be for the best.

I think I will try to remain open minded about my future apartment. I’ve been determined to stay in a particular area, hoping to remain equal distance between my daughters – but honestly, they are adults now, they have their lives, and they won’t be visiting me any more often if I’m close than if I’m far. (and far here means maybe an hour’s drive.)

Trust doesn’t come easy, but it can develop over the years. I’ve learned to trust in what I call rightness.

The right buyer, the right apartment for me, the right timing for it all. It will happen in rightness, because that is what my life has shown me these past 60 years.  Everything happens in rightness.

-and so it is-

Blessings and rightness to each of you!
Judee

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16 responses

  1. […] and good ole zen feelings. It really did help. So of course, the next post was properly titled Feeling Better.   Just in time for my birthday on April 9th, when I turned […]

  2. What a great blog! I have really enjoyed reading your posts, they’re so relatable. Please follow me!! http://bewarehalaustin.wordpress.com/about/ And keep posting, this is wonderful! ~k

    1. Thank you. 🙂

  3. Happy Easter dear Judee. And Good Luck, with all your new projects, and decisions… Thank you, you are nice blogger I love to read you and to watch your works. Blessing and Happiness, with my love, nia

    1. Thank you so much, nia, always lovely to hear from you! 🙂

  4. Happy Easter, Judee.
    I am passing on the King of KIng’s Blessing (I have it listed as an award) onto you, if you’d like to accept it. I am so far behind right now, so this is a wee bit late getting to you, but is just in time for Easter. I hope yours is blessed. 🙂

    1. Thank you my sweet friend, that is sweet of you. Have a lovely Easter!

  5. Yes, everything happens as it should. Three years ago, I had my house up for sale. My three months was coming to an end and the RIGHT buyers came along one week before closing. I lost 15 pounds and had a week pack. See. I shouldn’t have worried but I did. What did worrying change? Nothing.

    Good luck. Selling your home and pulling up stakes is a hard business even when it’s by your own choice. Might as well just go along for the ride. Glad to hear you’re feeling better, Judee.

    1. Thank you Tess. So true, worry doesn’t change a thing – no matter how many times I play it in my head, I know it will happen in its own way, and the right way. Thank you for visiting and offering support. 🙂

  6. Now this is a better place to be in…I’m so glad you found the reassurance to do so! If it’s any comfort at all, I continually have to wrestle with myself to ‘let go and trust’. That’s where the peace is. Having the realtor say what he did, at that particular time, was a definite affirmation to your own inner thoughts! No doubt you will be lead to just the right place for you, at the right time! Have a happy Easter weekend Judee. xoxo

    1. Thank you Jeannie. Yes, I love it when affirmations happen like that, out of the blue. Have a lovely Easter to you too.

  7. buddhafulkat | Reply

    Beautifully expressed. Talk about synchronicity – the feeling you had from reading the WP blogs you read is the feeling I had when reading this =)

    In a few months we’ll be moving to a new country, finding a new place to live, hubby will be starting a new job and beginning a masters program and I’ll be getting my teaching certificate, even though I wanted to go for a masters first (sigh, found a program I was excited about). Meanwhile we’re trying to see if we can manage to buy a house at home because his mother is going to lose hers (through her own doing).

    This post is good to read. =)

    1. I’m glad it helped you feel a bit better, too. As for moving to a new country, I did that when I came to Switzerland, and didn’t even speak French (this area’s language) and I managed, so you will too. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs!

      1. buddhafulkat | Reply

        We lived abroad for years so we’re not too worried about the move, but we’ve also learned that changing countries always involves some challenges (moving whether it’s within or out of country is always hectic). For us what tipped the scales are family obligations (mother in law losing her house and us needing to step in to help). It’s easy to be consumed by worry, but we’re making the best decisions we can and that’s all we can do. All the extra worry doesn’t help.

        I love what you said about rightness and look forward to seeing you move into the apartment that is right for you. That principle has worked for me so far and it’s reassuring to hear that it’s working for you too. Happy Easter!

  8. Glad you’re feeling more positive Judee. And I agree with what you say, sometimes you just lose touch with the ‘rightness’.

    I have this Word file on my computer. It dates back to 1997, which was a very low point in my life. Lots of worries, insecurities, and living abroad with no real friends other than my husband. So I dumped my worries and inner feelings in that file, under a date entry. Over the years since then, at low moments, I’ve dumped more worries, more conversations with myself when I’m ill, worried, and hurt. When I read back through that file, I see just how low I can get, how out of proportion I can get things, and how all these things resolved themselves, given time. I see that at these times I’ve been my own worst enemy, because all these things have come right in the end. Or they’ve been too silly to have even occupied a moment of my time. I just needed to rein in my fears and let time pass.

    Good luck with the move, whatever and wherever. 🙂

    1. What an original idea, Sandra – and yes, you are so right, many problems of the moment seem almost insignificant in retrospect. Thank you for sharing!

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