Flash Fiction Faction – Evidence

Quill Shiv has started a Flash Fiction Faction challenge that allows for slightly longer posts, etc. so I thought I’d try it out. Click on the link to see what she and others are doing this week.

The Prompt:

I didn’t go the extra mile, but I did use 8 of the words in this little tale. Hope you enjoy it.

Evidence  347 words

Mike pinched the tweezers carefully.  The strand of hair was almost invisible against the dark wool of the sweater. He tugged gently, finally pulling it free, and held it up like a prize.

His assistant clapped her hands, almost jumping with joy. Not the most professional behavior, but it could be excused. Carol was young, and new to all this.

“Is the root connected?” she asked.

“Yes,” he said, “the hair follicles are perfectly intact. We’ll have all the DNA evidence we need, assuming  this is from the killer.”

“Well, that’s up to the DA to decide, isn’t it? I’m sure he’ll be overjoyed with this new evidence.”

Mike just nodded, not wanting to get into a discussion of circumstantial versus hard evidence. She had a lot to learn, and he didn’t feel like being the one to teach her. She had been assigned to him after that last fiasco when the board threatened to fire him for manufacturing evidence. The presumption of innocence had never even entered their minds. They’d had no hard evidence, but the distrust was there just the same. They kept him on, but assigned him this “babysitter” young enough to be his daughter.

“The owner of this hair could be innocent,” he said carefully. “Or not.  It’s not our place to judge. We collect evidence and give it to the lab to analyze. End of story. Speaking of which, you need to get this hair to the lab, pronto. And don’t let it out of your sight, we have to preserve the chain of evidence.”

She hesitated. “Maybe I should wait. After all, there might be more evidence to harvest. And I really do want to learn from you.”

Mike rubbed his temples against an oncoming headache. Her behavior pretty much confirmed it, she was assigned to him not as an assistant, but to watch him.

“Fine.” he said, forcing a pleasant smile. This was not the time to raise suspicion. It had been a real trick to get that hair in place without her noticing. It would have to be enough.


16 responses

  1. Sorry it’s taken me so long to read yours! I really enjoyed that, especially the revelation of his true colours, and I thought all the police stuff sounded very realistic. I’m experimenting with crime fiction at the moment and that’s the part I feel most nervous and unsure about!

    1. Thank you lauray, and know that comments are welcome anytime at all, and much appreciated. I’m glad it felt realistic to you, that is a nice complement.

  2. […] “Evidence”   is my tale for Flash Fiction Faction, the new challenge on the block, hosted by Quill Shiv, and a fun and interesting challenge it is.  Next in line is the weekly 100 Word Challenge for Grownups, hosted at Julia’s Place, and my entry, titled Wish Fulfillment which is about a very unusual red box. I think you may be surprised.   For Friday Fictioneers Madison Woods gave us yet another challenging photo prompt, which resulted in my tale Kill Shot.  Last, but not least, I managed to complete Jenny Matlock’s Saturday Centus on the weekend it was assigned! Check out Living the Dream for a bit of fun. […]

  3. That was a clever use of harvest! And I like the distrust, and the relationship between girl and the professional – speaking of which, I also enjoyed the setting. That was good.

    That was a well written and imagined story, certainly well within the caveat too. I didn’t go the extra mile either, but I feel like I kind of want to if Quill ever brings up the word prompt again.

    1. Thank you for the lovely comment, I appreciate it. And I agree, it would be fun to go the extra mile, some stories allow it, others don’t. I guess we’ll see what the future holds. Thanks for the visit.

  4. Cool twist at the end!

    1. Thank you Irene. 🙂

      1. I tried this prompt too. Here is a 100 word version.
        I have a 1000 word version too but it definitely needs some editing. 🙂 Cheers!

  5. Oh!!! A dirty examiner/CSI person, very nice twist. Love what you did with this.

    My offering: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/03/22/the-prodigal/

    1. Ha, yes, I love it when characters have flaws. 😉 Thanks for the visit, off to read yours.

  6. Oh my goodness! This is excellent! A fully well-rounded flash. The twist ending was unexpected, as they should be. This could easily become a larger story if you were inclined to write it.

    Great job!

    This is my link for anyone not following straight from my site: http://quillshiv.wordpress.com/2012/03/22/flash-fiction-faction-the-harvest/

    1. Thank you for the lovely comment Quill, and thanks for hosting such an interesting challenge!

  7. Nice! Very well constructed and makes you want to read more.

    Here’s a link to mine for those who may not have come here from the Quill Shiv page: http://wp.me/p24aJS-3u

    1. Thank you Lupus, and thanks for your help at your place. 😉

  8. Brilliant twist! And a totally convincing dialogue. I really enjoyed this – well done.

    1. Thank you so much Sandra, I appreciate the visit and comments.

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